Friday, May 24, 2013

The Case of the Missing Video

The below abstract for my latest novel is purely fiction and any reference to characters or incidents that may have actually occurred are purely coincidental.
In the latest episode of my on going detective series starring the Man Who Stopped THE GRAVY TRAIN (editors note: we are trying to get Jack Nicholson to play The GRAVY TRAIN in the movie version), we find our hero confronted by a turncoat in his midst. It turns out that one of his inner circle, let's call him Somalibeckistany Drug Dealer # 1, has videoed our hero smoking crack cocaine, which, of course, he only uses to replenish his battery so that he can fight his never ending battle for truth, justice, and of course, against THE GRAVY TRAIN. In a misguided decision to get rich quick, Somalibeckistany Drug Dealer #1 shows the video tape to two different yellow journalist rags, The Gotham City Gazette(c) and The Daily Planet(c), but tells both of them that they cannot have a copy of the video without paying M$200,000 Monopoly Dollars.
When The Daily Planet(c) ignores the normal newspaper philosophy of needing two sources before going to print, and puts out the story, The Gotham City Gazette's(c) legal team decides that The Daily Planet(c) is their second source and therefore, can also go to press.
Our hero is flabbergasted that his enemies would go to such depths to derail his never ending battle for truth, justice, and of course, against THE GRAVY TRAIN and issues a statement to the world that the charge is 'ridiculous'.
Now, here's where the story gets devious, and, the video disappears. Since there were only 3 people in the room when our hero went for his crack cocaine re-charge, he knew that the traitor was either Somalibeckistany Drug Dealer #1 or Somalibeckistany Drug Dealer #2. He spent a week finding out which one was the traitor to the cause of fighting the never ending battle for truth, justice, and of course, against THE GRAVY TRAIN, and informed the traitor that if he didn't destroy the video, things would get ugly. Rumour has it that our hero threatened to sit on the traitor, or worse, tie him to a chair and force him to listen while our hero espoused his prejudicial views about everyone who wasn't him.
Everything turned out well when the traitor destroyed the video and our hero held a press conference denying that he used crack cocaine and confidently saying to the yellow journalist to produce the video (ha, ha, that won't happen) or shut up.
All's well that ends well.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

What? Myles Isn't Allowed at the Wedding?

Another big family event is happening soon. Our older son is getting married. However, I was shocked to learn that Myles, the younger brother, and a frequent subject of my friend Leslie's blog, for instance, visit Myles Again , is not invited to the wedding. Yikes, and here he is trying on his tuxedo.

Is this fair? Shouldn't the younger brother be a participant at the wedding? Well, according to the Ontario Ministry of Health, Myles falls under the category of "live bird or animal"??? How can that be so?
Maybe Minister Mathews needs to see Myles in his tuxedo, from the side.

Still not convinced he should be allowed at the wedding. O.K., what if Myles looks at the camera this time?

What a face, what a body, what a wiener dog!!! Yikes, did I say dog, oops. Maybe we should hold the wedding in France, where dogs are invited to any restaurants they care to frequent.

Is it too late to change the venue?

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Getting It Right: Ontario's Decision to Swap Mammography Devices

Based on the release of the peer-reviewed study by Cancer Care Ontario senior scientist Dr. Anna Chiarelli, published today in journal Radiology, Ontario has committed to investing $25 million to replace all existing, less effective computer radiography (CR) mammography devices with the study indicated much more effective direct radiography (DR) mammography devices.

To read the entire Statement released by the Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care, go to the following url:

As we are all continuously inundated with stupid government decisions, it's nice to know that sometimes our leaders get it right. Well done.
I am Elliot Schiller and I approve of this expenditure!