Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Carlos Danger Tweeted Around The World

Another exclusive from my crack team of investigative snoops. The famous Carlos Danger, The Sicko Weiner, as we call him, not only tweeted under that pseudonym, but set up various pseudonyms to tweet around the world.

Here are some of the various names that The Sicko Weiner used to tweet around the World:

When tweeting in Italian, he called himself, Francesco Cosa Nostra;

When tweeting in Arabic, he was, Osama Al Quada;

When tweeting to his Montreal following, he was, Jean-Claude Hell's Angel;

When he tweeted in French, the world knew him as Pierre Dangereux;

When he tweeted in Australia, his pseudonym was Jack Rattlesnake;

In Hong Kong, he calls himself Anthony Jackie-Chan;

When you're in Poland, the annoying guy hogging the tweet channels is named Copernicus Kielbasa;

In Israel, they know him as Shlomo Shlang.

  And in Toronto, we just say, yes, Mr. Mayor.

That's what my guys have learned so far. But, let me assure you, this is just the "tip" of the oops, never mind.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Marketing Company Announces New Line of Canadian Baby Memorabilia For the Royal Baby Birth

This is so exciting. My crack team of marketing experts discovered that while there are many British companies successfully marketing The Royal Baby Birth Commemorative Products, there are NO Canadian companies yet to launch product for the Canadian Royal Family Watchers. So, we have decided to be the first. (note: the value of the market in the U.K. is estimated to be $400 million).

Every good product on the market needs a brand logo. Ralph Lauren has the horse, Izod has an alligator (or is it a crocodile?), Nike has a swoosh, Adidas has 3 stripes, and so on. My team decided on Dudley Do Right(c) .
Who better than Dudley to represent my Canadian brand?, Dudley, as described by Wikipedia "is a dim-witted, but conscientious and cheerful Canadian Mountie". Great choice for our brand if I do say so myself.

Now that we selected a logo, we need to ascertain the rights to the symbol. Even as we speak, my crack legal team is in  progress to begin talks with the Dudley Do Right people. (note to reader: that is marketing talk for nothing has happened yet. Start watching Mad Men and you too will know this stuff).

While this in progress (hah hah), my product team is assembling a range of Canadian Flavoured products to offer to the consumers.

Let's have a look.

First, no Royal Baby can be said to represent Canada who doesn't own a Hockey Stick. Here's ours:
O.K. I'll bet your now as excited as I am about the brand. Here's our second novelty product, the Edible, Maple Flavoured Silver Spoon:
I know. The silver spoon looks tarnished. It's not tarnish, it's maple!

Are you as excited about our new line of products as we are yet? O.K. so how about product #3, Royal Canadian Bacon (maple flavoured of course):

And, what could be more Royal and Canadian than Beer So, we present to you our commemorative Dudley Do Right "Guiness-like" Canadian Beer.
Did I mention that the beer is flavoured with maple?

And, not to exclude babies, we have the Royal Maple Flavoured Baby Food products, tomatoes, peas and carrots all with a delicious maple twist.
And, finally, what every Royal Follower wants, their own Royal Baby replica pet beaver.


After learning about the brilliant Dudley Do Right Royal Birth product line, the Royal Family invested gazillions into the concept, and in order to help with sales, announced to the world, that if the Royal Baby is a boy, they planned on naming it Snidley Whiplash, and if a girl, Nell Fenwick, naturally.