Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Rob Ford: My Comedy Turned Into Reality

While reading The Toronto Star this morning, I came across this article about the Rob Ford tour, similar to what I described in my blog The Visit Toronto and Party Like Rob Ford blog . From my blog to Toronto's reality.

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And, who can forget my wonderful banjo playing and singing of The Ode To Mayor Rob Ford , which was copied two days later by Daughtry on the Jimmy Kimmel Live Show.

Granted, Daughtry's version is much better, his singing is better, and so is his guitar playing. And, he might even have more hair than I do under that cap (hum, maybe not). Nevertheless, I now anoint myself The Official Idea Factory for the Rob Ford Comedy Show! Anyone needing help with their late night comedy show, please call me for help at 1-000-GET-ROB-FORD-COMEDY-NOW

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Is that recyclable?

Before the days of recycling and compost collection, what did I do with my time? In Mississauga, we have three different types of waste that we put on the curb, paper/cans recyclables, organics, and waste. And, during the summer, we add a fourth, yard waste.
Yearly, we get a new BOOKLET explaining to us what goes where, and there is also a webpage or two or three dedicated to the topic, http://www.peelregion.ca/pw/waste/garb-recy/checklist.htm and then, there is also the 3-1-1 hotline which will put you in front of a very nice person who will tell you what goes where.
So, tonight, The Beauty was cleaning the fridge (note: that's what empty nester do frequently), and, she told me to dispose of a whip cream can. So I wondered aloud, "is that recyclable?". Of course, we did not know, and, it is night time and I didn't want to disturb my 311 personal assistant, and so, I thought of google.  
And, of course, google knows, and this time, google knows with a youtube video:

And so, I followed Mr. Hallsted's video and here are my results:

Now I know what my next career option might be if this investigative reporting blogging gig doesn't work out. I'm going to be a GARBAGE PICKUP CONSULTANT.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The Visit Toronto and Party Like Rob Ford Tour

Another exclusive!!!
My sources tell me that the City of Toronto is in the process of putting together a marketing campaign to encourage tourists to visit Toronto with the new Visit Toronto and Party Like Rob Ford tour. The idea came from the City of Santa Barbara who have a similar tour that allows tourists to follow the path that the two buddies took in the movie Sideways.

Similar to that self guided tour, the Toronto tour will consist of 5 major points of interest with different attractions for the tourists.

The tour begins at the now Infamous Crack House where you can have your picture taken with a life size cardboard picture of Mayor Ford and his buddies. In this case a cut out head for you to pose alongside the Mayor.
That's me and Rob. Buds.

Next, the tour takes you to The Taste of The Danforth where you are provided with all the beer you can drink and you get to walk around in a drunken stupor with your fellow tourists.
I'm excited just writing about it.
Next stop is a charity fund raiser where you and your fellow tourists get to walk around and behave badly participating in lewd exchanges and ass grabbing, just like Mayor Rob.
The City is sparing no expenses to make this the best tourist attraction ever, and the next exhibit is being developed with the people from Disney. It's a take off on Mr. Toads Wild Ride and the working title is Mayor Ford's Drunken Drive.
The next stop uses the Practice of Primal Scream Therapy to allow the tourists to experience rants such as the one of the Mayor caught on video recently.
If you're interested in viewing the video, it can be found at http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2013/11/07/mayor_rob_ford_caught_in_video_rant.html
Finally, the tour at City Hall where each tourist is introduced to their own escort who has already spent time with the Mayor, and the escorts demonstrate what they and the Mayor do and drink together.

This one is going to be a winner, enjoy!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Ode to Mayor Rob Ford

And now, for your listening pleasure(note:ear plugs recommended)

He’s a drug store crack smoking man
He’s the head of the gangster clan
When winters come rollin' around,
He’ll be lucky to be Mayor of the town.
Well he don’t like the press we all know,
He tells us each week on his radio show,
He calls them all maggots, and spits in their face,

He wonders why we think that he’s a disgrace.