Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Other Things That Harper Should Prorogue Besides Parliament

Once again, Prime Minister Harper has prorogued parliament. This time he is skipping the legislature being in session for the month of September so that, according to him, he can prepare a Speech from the Throne outlining the governments agenda for the rest of its mandate.

To make sure that my voice is heard within the agenda, I have made of list of the various things that I think the Prime Minister should also consider proroguing, either forever, or at least until the end of his term in office.

Prorogue the Senate, FOREVER, while at the same time passing a law that will also prorogue their pay until they are called back into session.

Prorogue Members of Parliament's pay on those days that the parliament is supposed to be in session, but has been prorogued.

Prorogue Unfair and Unbalanced News.

Prorogue Birthers!

Prorogue intelligent people who sprout party talking points rather than engaging their brains to listen to and evaluate the nonsense that is coming out of their mouths.

Prorogue the Federal Liberal Party from continuing to choose the wrong leader.

Prorogue the Ontario Conservative Party from continuing to back the wrong leader.

Prorogue money grabbing Hollywood Studios from releasing movies that are just junk and ruin what was once a good franchise

Prorogue the re-writing of history to make devils into good people

Prorogue fighting in the Middle East and I will vote for you FOREVER

Monday, August 5, 2013

Biogenesis Not Just A Baseball Problem

Breaking News: Major League Baseball has just announced 50 game suspensions for all of the players involved in the Biogenesis scandal, except Alex Rodrigues. who received a 211 game suspension.

What, he worried?

Now, my crack team of investigators have uncovered other well know people, not just athletes, who have been using Biogenesis to further their careers. Regretfully, all of this has been done through plagiarism, alas, what a crack team.
For those of you who do not know, Biogenesis is the production of new living organisms based on the use of living materials.
Here are some examples:
Liza! Liza!

Back to the Future
Buddy Holly would never have believed this
Mr. and Mrs. Smith?

Monkey See, Monkey Talks

Hey ugly, who you callin' Slimer?

I deny these false accusations, and furthermore, I look nothing like Mr. Magoo!!!

Friday, August 2, 2013

Breaking News: Edward Snowden is in Siberia

Once again, my crack team of investigative reporters is ahead of the curve on this one. We found where the Russians' have moved Edward Snowden to. This is Pulitzer Prize stuff. Way to go guys!

So, where did we find him. SIBERIA

And, we have the photos to prove it.

Here is Edward with his team of reindeer's heading for market:

And, here he is returning from market:

Here are his new neighbours saying hello to their new neighbour:

and more friendly neighbours:

and even a few human neighbours, with similar transportation:

Our reporters were able to follow him home, and here is the first ever seen photo of Edward Snowden's new home.

The good news for him is that he lives in a lovely neighbourhood.

Here is his next door neighbour, Olga, sun bathing.

Did I mention that Olga has a husband?

And some lovely kids.

Truly a paradise for Eddie. He doesn't even need a home alarm system, he has an around the clock team of Russian guards.

Why does he need guards?

SPOILER ALERT. Season 3 of Homeland is all about how Carrie Mathison and Saul Berenson go about the task of bring Eddie back with all of the modern technology that the CIA has to offer them.

O.K., now where's our Pulitzer?

Thursday, August 1, 2013

You're a Monster

I just saw this headline on the CBC News website ...