Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Top Ten Tax Tips for 2014

This holiday season, I instructed my crack team of investigative reporters to search the web for the Top Ten Tax Tips for 2014. We are to tax tips what Trivago is to hotel bookings.
Folks, I am pleased to say that once again, they have out done themselves. Here are their top ten tax tips for 2014.....

1. Grow a mustache during Mowvember, don't shave it off, and when the Tax Man comes around to collect he won't recognize you.

Also, it's not a bad idea to head south over XMAS and get a really good sun tan (see above). That's either me or Pancho Villa, but either way, the Tax Man won't know who it is.

2. Convert a room in your house into an office.

This one could be a winner, however, in my case, it didn't work out so well. First, the wife kicked me out of the house because my office was so messy, and then, my boss fired me because I never showed up at work.

3. Pay off your mortgage and borrow to invest in the Toronto Stock Exchange.

That wasn't going too badly for me, that is, until the great crash of 2008. Now, I don't own my house, and, my stock portfolio is equivalent to the value of a Grande at Starbucks.

4. Write off your work wardrobe as a uniform.

I tried this when we lived in Denver and I looked like the above picture. My argument was that I would never consider wearing a white shirt, a suit, or a sport jacket, and those silly pants with cuffs if I wasn't at work. Did I mention that the Tax Man didn't agree. Well that's not the point. Just because I looked so good in a suit doesn't mean that the Tax Man won't believe that you wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit outside of the office.

5. Become a minister in the Universal Life Church, Churches don't pay taxes.

I already used this one so that I could marry the girl of my dreams, not to save taxes. In those days I didn't earn enough to pay taxes anyway. Maybe that's why she wouldn't marry me.

6. Don't forget income splitting. It can have a dramatic effect on the sum of your tax payable and your spouses' tax payable.

This one sounds good, but when I spoke to my accountant, he informed me that you had to have some income in order to split it. I guess writing a blog isn't quite as lucrative financially as I thought it was going to be.

7. Home school your kids and forgo paying school taxes.

This one works perfectly. You quit your job, you home school your kids, no one pays you, you pay no taxes. Well, almost perfectly except for that one about no one pays you. 

8. Move to a farm, lots of tax break for farmers

This one sounds good. I tried it myself in the '70's. Me and my friend John went to Vegas, with the Beauty, I might add, and while she played the slots, we concentrated on Craps and spent 8 hours at the table raising money to start up a marijuana farm in Mexico. By the end of our run, we had a crowd chanting Marijuana Farm, Marijuana Farm, Marijuana Farm, Marijuana Farm. Needless to say, we lost all of our money and our Marijuana Farm dream went up in smoke. If someone else tries this, let me know if it works.

9. Start up a Not For Profit, they don't pay taxes.

I did this, I had children, that automatically makes me a Not For Profit. For some reason, that type of Not For Profit is not recognized by the Tax Man.

10. Pay Your Taxes and Be Happy That You Can

Hey, that works! 

1 comment:

  1. Your post totally cracked me up, Elliot! Hahaha! I can just imagine how many people would be growing their facial hair out during Mowvember just to avoid confrontation with the Tax Man. In any case, paying our taxes is probably the last thing on our list of worth doings, but it's something we're all held responsible for, so we might as well just go through with it and get it done as early as possible, just so we can move on to doing better things, of course. Hahaha! Thanks for sharing such a great read! All the best to you! :)

    Wanda Hanson @ Tax Tiger